But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
