If that was your dad, he is hot
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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