Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
