we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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