the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
