Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
