How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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