I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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