oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
