Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
