ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
