I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
