an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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