I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
