ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
