..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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