i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
