i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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