JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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