Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
