I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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