She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
