please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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