Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
