All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
