You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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