I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
