remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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