She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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