Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
