you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He shit in the fireplace
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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