Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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