his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is Oprah even human
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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