Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
