You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
