My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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