we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
