shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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