puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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