Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
