When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
