OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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