Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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