Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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