Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
