the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
