I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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