genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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