Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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