im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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